Welcome
Attention: Now adding more profiles! I stopped for awhile because it was so much work to upload each picture and add each profile. So I'm modifying things a little. Instead of having profiles and pictures on this blog, all you need to do is have a myspace/friendster/whatever internet profile of your own, and I will link it here by city and by country. So much less work for me! Start sending in those links!
This site (started in January 2006) is for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and questioning people who were raised Jehovah's Witnesses. While other sites already exist, such as the Common Bond sites, this is primarily a "profiles" site, with contact information to other gay ex-Jehovah's Witnesses. This follows the principle that it is always easier to live through a trialsome experience when you know there are others in the same boat as yourself.
The other goal of this site is to show that there are a variety of feelings and experiences in the organization, upon which other factors such as immediate family, friends, and congregational influences play a large role. That is why I put on the form/questionaire (that you can fill out to add your profile) whether or not your experience was positive, negative, or neutral. Through my own experience as well as what I've heard from others, many Jehovah's Witnesses and former Witnesses avoid websites because of the negative aura that those sites present (ie using words like "cult" "mind-control" etc), which is insulting to those who have had good experiences as a Witness. This is not to discredit many of the gay ex-Jehovah's Witnesses who have had negative experiences, but it seems that there is an under-representation of those whose experience was a good one. And it must be further noted that various sub-categories exist which I will examine in greater detail, such as the person whose experience was positive, but who no longer believes the Witness doctrine, or conversely, the person whose experience was bad, but who still believes the Witnesses to be the truth. To be fair, I should probably let you know that I am agnostic, so that anything I write or any persuasion I try to make is subjective to my world view.
Future goals! Future goals for the site will include links to counseling, HIV information, and drug abuse information, as well as a guide to how you can start building a happy healthy life for yourself. First, I have to figure that one out for myself. (Yes, ask the marriage counseler who has been divorced 5 times... or you can come to me about getting your act together. I am the quintessential character played by Julia Roberts, the gay male version of Runaway Bride.)
Who are you?
Now first of all, I have to admit that I love categories. I like filing, I like alphabetical order, I like cross referencing. I like statistics and percentages. And because I was raised from infancy in the pioneer work, I have this need to organize groups and to try and help people and even now, away from the organization for 9 years, I feel the ever so slight need to turn in my time at the end of the month. So I hope the following catagorization doesn't seem to dehumanize anyone. It really isn't intended to do so. There are four different categories into which you may fall, with various shades of grey and shall I emphasize that point when I say shades of grey?
The first category is that you are still a Jehovah's Witness and believe that it is the truth. If this is you, you certainly aren't alone. The goal of this site is not to change your mind about that, however, it must be noted that it is much easier to accept your homosexuality if you do not believe that the Jehovah's Witnesses have the truth. Obviously. Why do you think that there are so many gay agnostics? That being said, it must further be noted that it will be problematic to base your decision about the truthfulness of doctrine on how easy your life will be as a result. At least it would be problematic if your goal is accuracy.
If you do decide that you want to do external research on Christianity and the Witnesses, I will list some suggested reading material at the end of this post. If you have no inclination to do so, my advice would be to do the following: Confide in friends! The worst thing is to keep your feelings to yourself. At first, you may feel more at ease making friends in the gay community who aren't former Witnesses, or, there are some listed here who haven't been officially disfellowshiped - if you feel bound by certain rules of association.
If you decide to maintain your standing as a Witness, you can recieve assistance from the local elders (who will likely tell you to avoid this website) and there are even internet sites for current Jehovah's Witnesses who wish to stay with the organization and recieve support from others of similar perspective (the elders would probably advise against these sites as well). Leaving the organization is no guarantee of happiness, depending on your mindset. I would probably be criticized by many for saying this, but if you really believe it is the truth, you can have a happy life by immersing yourself in it and enjoying the spiritual paradise it offers. Remember though that if you decide to maintain your standing as a Witness and change your mind later in years, you have given up some of your best years that you will never be able to get back, and build a healthy happy life on the outside.
The second category are current Jehovah's Witnesses who are still active in some way but don't believe that it is the truth. You may be hesitant to leave because of your close ties to friends and family and fear of being disfellowshiped. Some have decided to walk away quietly, even to move away from their hometown, simply become inactive, and thereby to avoid the disfellowshiping process. Keep in mind that posting your picture here might be risky if it is used against you in a judicial committee. Plus, there is the stress involved in leading a double life. There is a theory afloat that after 3 years of inactivity, you won't be disfellowshiped even if your sexuality is discovered (the idea being that you no longer associate yourself with the Witnesses and thereby do not need to be disfellowshiped).
The third category is that you are no longer a Jehovah's Witness but you think it is the truth. Therefore, you may be living with guilt or low self esteem. I would again recommend doing research that will either confirm or deny what you believe to be the truth. Personally, I don't think it is healthy to live a lifestyle that you feel is morally wrong. Either your beliefs or lifestyle should be resolved so that the two are compatable. Inner conflict can lead to headache, a negative outlook, and indigestion. Perhaps even erectile disfunction. It's true. (Can there be no end to my cleverness?)
The fourth category, is that you are no longer a Jehovah's Witness and you do not think that it is the truth (many have become agnostic). For people who have their profiles on this site, this is by far the category into which most of us fall. Many in this category have moved on and set up new lives and have dealt with the trauma of being disfellowshiped. If not, my advice is to try and understand the motivations and convictions of your Witness friends and relatives. Understand that they also might be dealing with a lot of pain and sincerely believe that your decisions will lead to your ultimate destruction and that you are sinning against God. Some families and friends will eventually decide to let you back into their lives, and some will not. The scenarios are varied. I have a friend who used to be a bethelite and after 6 or 7 years, his Witness parents visited him and his boyfriend for a few days. If you have very active family, this is probably unlikely.
Whatever is the case in your life, I can assure you that with effort and support from friends, you can be happy and successful. Whatever decision you make, find friends to support you.
Why add your profile?
Even if you aren't dealing with issues of being disfellowshiped, and want to leave this part of your life behind, by placing a profile here you are helping others who are just now leaving the Witnesses because they will see that not only are they part of a much larger group, but that they can be happy and rebuild their lives and find new friends.
Finally, I ask that you please respect other people's beliefs, whether they still identify themselves as Jehovah's Witnesses or something different.
Suggested Reading Material:
Although hesitant to do so because he is an ex-Witness and I try to avoid any overtly apostate suggestions, I would recommend a book available at many libraries, called "Crisis of Conscience" by Raymond Franz, who was a missionary, and on the Governing Body for 12 years. While it is subjective to his experience, I felt it was fair and balanced, if not a little bit self-justifying. It wasn't the type of diatribe recounting "30 Years a Watchtower Slave". I think the reason you should read it is that Raymond Franz did much of the research that went into laying the groundwork for the "Aid to Bible Understanding" book, upon which "Insight on the Scriptures" is based. He also has a unique perspective that no one else has on the motivations for organizational and doctrinal development. Although I have to warn you that reading it will probably make you doubt the divine source or backing of the society. It is however, well researched and documented, and written with a lot of feeling. (Also, it seems that his favorite Governing Body co-member was Dan Sydlik, and for his passion, sense of humor, and humanity, I too prefered Sydlik over the rest.) Having said all that...
If you prefer not to read anything by a former Witness (well, if you're reading this blog it's too late for that), but would still like to research Christianity's origins and development, check out secular sources such as the PBS website: From Jesus to the Christ or other similar sites. Do research on the development of the Bible and the first few centuries of Christiaity in Encyclopedia articles and compare your results with the book "The Bible - God's Word or Man's?" and other apologetic material. There are some arguments for secularism on the site: infidels.org, and in particular, the section on theistic arguments and debate.
If you decide that you need a spiritual experience and prefer Christianity, there are also alternative views on homosexuality that you may wish to explore, including many churches that accept homosexuals. I have met several gay former Witnesses who have supportive congregations of various denominations.
posted by Site Administrator (Mike) at
12:30 PM
